Monday, April 19, 2010

What Do I Want to Be?

I've posted similar things before, but my wife is getting understandably anxious with me regarding my future career choices. I don't blame her, but I also don't feel like I have a clear path laid out before me.

She asked me this weekend to think about when I was a teenager. Her question was, "When someone would ask you what you want to be when you grow up, what did you answer?" My response is, I've already done all that.

When I was in first grade, my doodling hobby caught the eye of the art teacher. They entered a poster I drew into some contest, and it won. Ironically, it was draw a poster depicting what you want to be when you grow up. At that point, I could only imagine being a waiter. I don't know why. The attention I received from that one drawing convinced me that I wanted to be an artist.

Illustration as always my thing. I did tons of projects all throughout elementary and high school. My college portfolio was illustration heavy, but when I actually got into college, I saw that it would be easier to get into graphic design. Graphic design meant computers and pay checks. Illustration meant years of being a starving artist, struggling to make a name for myself.

A graphic artist can still make a name for himself, but that's never what it was about for me. I wanted to do my thing, be creative in whatever way appealed to me at the time. If I could get a creative job that paid the bills, allowed me to have a "normal" life with a wife, house and kids, that was my goal. Instructors would often warn against newspaper jobs. They said those types of jobs only allowed you to be someone else's hands in exchange for a steady paycheck. Seemed like a perfect fit for me.

I still had dreams and aspirations. Most of them were more personal (see wife, kids, house). I also wanted to work for a good company. If I was going to work in the newspaper field, I wanted to work for the best in this area, and that was The Flint Journal. I achieved all that. Before the company decided to drop all of it's current artists, I often thought that I had already lived and realized all my aspirations. It was something to be happy about.

That's kind of flipped on me now.

The print industry, in Michigan at least, has shrank. The companies that are still in the running are looking for people to do a ton of work, bend over backwards on scheduling at the drop of a hat, work in "catch all" departments, and do all of this for pay that isn't much higher than your average fast food job. I've worked in those situations before. That's usually how you get into the business. It's not an environment that lends itself well to family people. There's guaranteed stress, and few moments of happiness or even creativity.

I don't think it's a totally lost line of work. I just haven't come across many opportunities, even for worst case scenario jobs, in the past year. I'll never stop being a creative, artistic person, I'll always do my thing, but it just seems like this career path has come to an abrupt dead end. Maybe it's just taking me through some bad neighborhoods right now.

So my wife wants to know what I want to do now. What would make me happy? What would I want to do every day until I retire or beyond? I wish there were easy answers.

I think I can narrow it down to two choices. One would likely be difficult. It's not likely to go smoothly, but I'd be happy. The other would be relatively easy, it would probably hold a lot of security and an easy paycheck, but I wouldn't be in love with it. It would be something I slog through. I have no problem slogging if it means my kids get to eat and have a roof over their heads.

Quite frankly, the first option terrifies me. Not because I'd dislike it. I'm afraid of what certain people would think. I'm afraid there might not be a huge market for this career. It's a leap, you could say, that really doesn't have anything to do with my ability.

So, I'm in turmoil today. What do I want to be now that I've already grown up?

I welcome any advice.

2 comments:

  1. I look forward to when you decide to post what the two mystery options are, so I can give some kind of real input. Barring that, I can affirm the following: a) You are a gifted graphic artist; b) I cannot IMAGINE you being a waiter, any more than I can imagine me being a waiter! :-)

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  2. While you are being the fantastic artist that I know you are, you might want to consider substitute teaching; it would help pay the bills, and it would give you an idea if this is something you want to do fulltime.

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