Sure Signs that Your Date Isn't Going Well

Explanation: I used to write and produce these "comedy" books when I worked in fast food. They were usually a way of blowing off steam. I was young, single, angry… This is a highly edited excerpt from one of the pages. I know. It's sophomoric at best. My fast food friends used to enjoy them. I still laugh at some of this stuff, but as in the past, sometimes I'm the only one laughing. If you can't make yourself laugh…

Sure Signs that Your Date Isn't Going Well…

• Shortly after attempting to steal a kiss, your date begins to gag.
• It's no mystery to anyone that your date likes to throw rocks.
• Your dates asks to make a pit stop at the health department before dinner.
• Your date has prison stories.
• You realize the strange object in your date's waste band is a gun.
• You realize your date is easy, but not because they're having any kind of relations with you… yet…
• You gladly break the law by stealing a car just to get home.
• Multiple personalities are obvious.
• The subject of "how much money you have on you" keeps coming up.
• Part of your date takes place on a talk show.
• One of you keeps shouting the word "rash" for no apparent reason while in a very public place.

I don't miss the dating scene.