Thursday, February 18, 2010

Letter to My Sixteen Year Old Self

So many things I'd like to tell you about, but I'll try to stick to the important stuff.


For starters, forget high school. I know it sucks. I know you dread every day there, but two years from now, you'll realize none of the things (or people) that are dogging you have anything to do with your life anymore. Keep being true to yourself. Don't let other people influence your sense of worth. You have no idea what great things are in store for you, things that none of those situations can detract from.


You swear too much. Stop it. It's not rebellious. It's stupid. I'm not saying don't swear, but be honest, you're over doing it.


I don't think I have to tell you how much your parents love you. That doesn't change. Even when you fight, and you will, it'll pass. They'd move mountains for you. I know you're not close with dad, but he changes. He figures out that his time with you is fleeting. You really wouldn't recognize him.


Mom is going to go through a rough patch. It'll last a few years. My best advice? Don't do anything! It's a touchy situation. It's called menopause, and a few years after it ends, she'll be happy that no one made any drastic decisions during that time.


When you're about 21 or 22, your youngest brother, Bill(y) will seem to idolize you. He'll hang out with you a lot. Keep in mind how impressionable he is. Be careful what you say to him. There'll be a day where you say some things about partying, drugs, alcohol. You're going to say the wrong thing! You're going to regret it for years! Just because you have regrets, things you never did, things you once thought wrong that you now think differently of, you don't have to share those things. Even when things do get rough for him, remember how much you love him. That love will get you through, and hopefully help him. You two are still so much alike.


I know you don't get along well with Bob(by) well right now. When you go away to college, that'll change. You guys equal out a bit. Someday, someone's going to tell you that you're a lot like Bob, especially your sense of humor. I know. I know. Hard to believe. The things is, you're more alike than you think. There are still days where you want to call him up and yell at him, but that's got more to do with love than anger. There really is no anger left between you. You're finally brothers who act brotherly. Oh yeah, he's bald now, but it's on purpose.


Kevin may still be your best friend from where you're sitting, but that's going to change. He's going to go through some things you can't even imagine. He's going to close you off because he doesn't want you to get hurt too. DON'T LET HIM DO THAT! Grab him by the shoulders, shake him, rage against him! Do whatever you have to do to be there for him! There will come a time when he won't have anything to do with you or even his family, and you will regret not being there for him when he likely needed you most, even though he told you he didn't need you. As much as you respect and understand his current distance, you will still love him like a brother.


Your cousin Jasen is still a great friend to you. Your adventures came to an end shortly after college. You grew apart for a lot of years, but you found your way back together. You talk to him a lot, but it seems like you're still disconnected in some ways. He's your biggest supporter in a lot of ways. When you doubt yourself, he seems to trumpet for you. He's a family man too, a hero of yours in that regard. He still makes you laugh in a way that no one else can.


Quit putting so much emphasis on women. Okay. I know that's impossible, but hear me out. There won't be many. Wait. That sounds horrible. There doesn't need to be many. You'll love a few, but then you're going to meet one that makes all your dreams come true, well, except for that comic book idea you have. That never really goes anywhere, but that's really your own fault. After all those dreams are met, you go on to live through some really great times that you never even dreamed of.


Get to know your Grand Fathers now. They'll be gone soon, and you'll be left wondering about what types of men they were.


A few other quick fire things:

Sleep is going to be way too important to you for a few years. Get over it.


Don't ever share any kind of rental living arrangements with any of your friends. It will seriously hurt your relationships.


Something big is going to hurt Faye. Be there for her as much as she'll let you. You still love her like a sister, but you've messed that up a lot too.


Don't get angry with Greg. You guys work together for a few years. You'll miss his friendship, and it will be your fault.


Even though Tony doesn't seem to like you at first, he'll become one of your best friends ever. Don't take a minute that you guys get together for granted.


There's going to be a big crack in your heart shortly after you decide to become a parent. You'll get through it, but not a day will go bye that you don't feel that crack.


Bend over backwards for your wife when your first born arrives. Don't give her a chance to feel like you weren't supporting her in everything she's decided to do as a new mother.


There will be heart ache, younger self. There will be days where you no longer believe you have a heart. There will be days where you rage against God, life, and the entire world around you. I urge you to reign in that anger. It really won't get you far. When things feel hopeless, you're wrong. When you think about throwing it all away, you've got to learn to get past it. What's going on won't last forever.


I've learned that you can rage against God all you want. Blame him. Deny him. Argue against his existence and demean those that believe. You can and will do all of that. But, I've learned that He loves all of us, and I've felt that love. You suspect this already. You're going to learn that, everything you hate about life and this world, God hates those things to. There's explanations for a lot of what you're feeling. There are answers. No one's explained it to you in the right way yet, but let's be honest, you've been kind of hostile about it anyway. You're going to get it one day, and it's going to be big for you. Your wife helps get you in the door, you could say, but you take the ball and run with it when the time is right. You can do all those hateful, harsh things toward God because you'll find out one day that He's more than okay with it. Whether you find Him or He finds you, it'll change your life forever, and you wouldn't have it any other way. Trust me.


I know you're not very happy. Things are going to get worse, but right now, twenty or more years later? Right now, where I am, life is fantastic.


Right now you have a beautiful wife that you love even when she's driving you crazy. You've learned to live a little more simply than you might expect, but you've also learned the value of that. You also have two beautiful sons that opened up whole new worlds to you. They can drive you crazy too, but you love them more than I can put into words.


Now the hard part of the letter. The part where I realize I could never really send this to you. Not just because it's impossible, but because, if I told you any of the before mentioned information and you acted on any of it, you might not end up where I am. I don't want to imagine what that would be like. Doing any one thing differently might change things entirely. You and I both wouldn't want that.


I'm sorry that you're going to go through a lot of hardship sixteen-year-old self, but I'm sure happy that we end up here, where I am. Hang in there. It's a wild ride, but the destination is worth it.

3 comments:

  1. Wow. That was incredibly insightful. I'm going to have all three of my fifteen year olds read that. Some of the things you wrote about I've actually thought about telling my Kids at some point. Some excellent advice, and it made me reflect for a while, too. Thanks for that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great letter Brian. Well said. Really makes one think. I wouldn't change one thing either. God is good.

    ReplyDelete