Random Pointless Stuff About Me for No Reason

• From now on, I'm planting pumpkins. I bought three small plants for 79¢, and I planted them at my father's house because I ran out of room in my garden. I didn't expect them to take over quite this much territory. I don't think we'll have to buy any pumpkins this year. There are around 20 already full-size pumpkins.
• I hate that little bumpy patch they put on the sidewalk just outside of department and grocery stores. Is it there to slow us down? Remind us that we're about to walk into a parking lot? Annoy us? Shake up the carbonated beverages we just bought?
• People often suspect that I eat way more than I actually do.
• I've never tried any form of recreational drugs. I've never even smoked a cigarette. I find cigars intriguing, but I figure I'll likely come down with some form of cancer without smoking, so why increase the chances?
• I don't automatically look down on any of the people that do use recreational drugs or smoke.
• I hope that doesn't sound like an endorsement. It's really not.
• Could I be more non-commital?
• I feel like I have friends that don't invite me over as often because they feel I'd be judgmental about their lifestyle, and that's totally not me.
• We don't have cable, but I like to watch The Daily Show online. I hate it when the show goes "on break" for a few weeks because crazy things usually happen in our country during those breaks.
• When the grocery store over charges me for something, I rarely bring it to their attention because I feel it's too much trouble. When they accidentally under charge me, I immediately let them know because it feels like I'm stealing.
• I tend to over-think things.
• The possibility of having to use a public restroom often makes me feel like I have to use the bathroom.
• I can't pee if there are too many other people in a restroom and there isn't adequate view obstruction, even if I have an urgent need.
• I don't like talking on the phone, even to people I like.
• Are the following salutations offensive to anyone:
• "Take it easy."
• "Have a good one."
• Is it strange that I feel awkward saying these phrases to women in particular?
• I mean, those phrases really could imply many different things, some inappropriate.
• If I enjoyed them on any level, I have trouble donating my used books. I know it's highly unlikely that I'll re-read most of them. My kids probably won't even enjoy them down the road.
• I often leave my Bible or other spiritual reading material in full view inside my parked, unlocked car. I figure, if someone should steal it, they likely needed it more than I do.
• Is it weird that I often travel with a Bible? It's one of those books that, even if you've read it already, there are still new mysteries to uncover, new perspectives to consider.
• I think I need a robot doctor. I was uncomfortable with a male doctor when I was a teenager. I tried a female doctor in my twenties, and found it hard to discuss everything with her. How long until we get robot doctors? I think I could handle that.
• I've never had a taste for beer. There are a few brands I like, but I drink less than a six-pack in an entire year. I have to be in the right social setting. There has to be a sense of comradery involved.
• I might get legally drunk once a year, but even that's doubtful.
• I'm equally picky about coffee. I have to have the right brand, creamer, and sugar.
• McDonald's frappes give me headaches, but I love them anyway.

Letter to My Sixteen Year Old Self

So many things I'd like to tell you about, but I'll try to stick to the important stuff.

For starters, forget high school. I know it sucks. I know you dread every day there, but two years from now, you'll realize none of the things (or people) that are dogging you have anything to do with your life anymore. Keep being true to yourself. Don't let other people influence your sense of worth. You have no idea what great things are in store for you, things that none of those situations can detract from.

You swear too much. Stop it. It's not rebellious. It's stupid. I'm not saying don't swear, but be honest, you're over doing it.

I don't think I have to tell you how much your parents love you. That doesn't change. Even when you fight, and you will, it'll pass. They'd move mountains for you. I know you're not close with dad, but he changes. He figures out that his time with you is fleeting. You really wouldn't recognize him.

Mom is going to go through a rough patch. It'll last a few years. My best advice? Don't do anything! It's a touchy situation. It's called menopause, and a few years after it ends, she'll be happy that no one made any drastic decisions during that time.

When you're about 21 or 22, your youngest brother, Bill(y) will seem to idolize you. He'll hang out with you a lot. Keep in mind how impressionable he is. Be careful what you say to him. There'll be a day where you say some things about partying, drugs, alcohol. You're going to say the wrong thing! You're going to regret it for years! Just because you have regrets, things you never did, things you once thought wrong that you now think differently of, you don't have to share those things. Even when things do get rough for him, remember how much you love him. That love will get you through, and hopefully help him. You two are still so much alike.

I know you don't get along well with Bob(by) well right now. When you go away to college, that'll change. You guys equal out a bit. Someday, someone's going to tell you that you're a lot like Bob, especially your sense of humor. I know. I know. Hard to believe. The things is, you're more alike than you think. There are still days where you want to call him up and yell at him, but that's got more to do with love than anger. There really is no anger left between you. You're finally brothers who act brotherly. Oh yeah, he's bald now, but it's on purpose.

Kevin may still be your best friend from where you're sitting, but that's going to change. He's going to go through some things you can't even imagine. He's going to close you off because he doesn't want you to get hurt too. DON'T LET HIM DO THAT! Grab him by the shoulders, shake him, rage against him! Do whatever you have to do to be there for him! There will come a time when he won't have anything to do with you or even his family, and you will regret not being there for him when he likely needed you most, even though he told you he didn't need you. As much as you respect and understand his current distance, you will still love him like a brother.

Your cousin Jasen is still a great friend to you. Your adventures came to an end shortly after college. You grew apart for a lot of years, but you found your way back together. You talk to him a lot, but it seems like you're still disconnected in some ways. He's your biggest supporter in a lot of ways. When you doubt yourself, he seems to trumpet for you. He's a family man too, a hero of yours in that regard. He still makes you laugh in a way that no one else can.

Quit putting so much emphasis on women. Okay. I know that's impossible, but hear me out. There won't be many. Wait. That sounds horrible. There doesn't need to be many. You'll love a few, but then you're going to meet one that makes all your dreams come true, well, except for that comic book idea you have. That never really goes anywhere, but that's really your own fault. After all those dreams are met, you go on to live through some really great times that you never even dreamed of.

Get to know your Grand Fathers now. They'll be gone soon, and you'll be left wondering about what types of men they were.

A few other quick fire things:

Sleep is going to be way too important to you for a few years. Get over it.

Don't ever share any kind of rental living arrangements with any of your friends. It will seriously hurt your relationships.

Something big is going to hurt Faye. Be there for her as much as she'll let you. You still love her like a sister, but you've messed that up a lot too.

Don't get angry with Greg. You guys work together for a few years. You'll miss his friendship, and it will be your fault.

Even though Tony doesn't seem to like you at first, he'll become one of your best friends ever. Don't take a minute that you guys get together for granted.

There's going to be a big crack in your heart shortly after you decide to become a parent. You'll get through it, but not a day will go bye that you don't feel that crack.

Bend over backwards for your wife when your first born arrives. Don't give her a chance to feel like you weren't supporting her in everything she's decided to do as a new mother.

There will be heart ache, younger self. There will be days where you no longer believe you have a heart. There will be days where you rage against God, life, and the entire world around you. I urge you to reign in that anger. It really won't get you far. When things feel hopeless, you're wrong. When you think about throwing it all away, you've got to learn to get past it. What's going on won't last forever.

I've learned that you can rage against God all you want. Blame him. Deny him. Argue against his existence and demean those that believe. You can and will do all of that. But, I've learned that He loves all of us, and I've felt that love. You suspect this already. You're going to learn that, everything you hate about life and this world, God hates those things to. There's explanations for a lot of what you're feeling. There are answers. No one's explained it to you in the right way yet, but let's be honest, you've been kind of hostile about it anyway. You're going to get it one day, and it's going to be big for you. Your wife helps get you in the door, you could say, but you take the ball and run with it when the time is right. You can do all those hateful, harsh things toward God because you'll find out one day that He's more than okay with it. Whether you find Him or He finds you, it'll change your life forever, and you wouldn't have it any other way. Trust me.

I know you're not very happy. Things are going to get worse, but right now, twenty or more years later? Right now, where I am, life is fantastic.

Right now you have a beautiful wife that you love even when she's driving you crazy. You've learned to live a little more simply than you might expect, but you've also learned the value of that. You also have two beautiful sons that opened up whole new worlds to you. They can drive you crazy too, but you love them more than I can put into words.

Now the hard part of the letter. The part where I realize I could never really send this to you. Not just because it's impossible, but because, if I told you any of the before mentioned information and you acted on any of it, you might not end up where I am. I don't want to imagine what that would be like. Doing any one thing differently might change things entirely. You and I both wouldn't want that.

I'm sorry that you're going to go through a lot of hardship sixteen-year-old self, but I'm sure happy that we end up here, where I am. Hang in there. It's a wild ride, but the destination is worth it.