Mocking He-man

This is the coolest thing I've seen in a long time.

Critics did call the original He-man cartoon little more than an animated toy commercial, but the critics very obviously never compared the show to the toys produced. Because Filmation cut costs by reusing animation cells, many characters were rarely if ever seen in the cartoon. Some characters looked completely different in animated form because the characters were added prior to the toys being released. The accessories that appeared bore even less resemblance to the actual toys.

The show was actually full of heroes and villains that never saw plastic counterparts. You were more likely to see non-toy characters.

The show was also sugary sweet in a lot of ways. Characters weren't allowed to interact violently or cause injury to one another. Even as a kid I picked up on this. Every episode also had a moral which sometimes really hindered an otherwise interesting story line. In the sappier episodes, there would be singing. As barbaric and heavily armed as the toy line was, that clearly didn't carry over into the cartoon.

Random Post: He-man, Pat Robertson, and that annoying Toyota Highlander Kid

• That Toyota Highlander kid, the one that mocks other kids for riding in "lesser" vehicles, I don't like him. I'm not sure how this is a good marketing strategy.
• One of the coolest things I received for Christmas was a classic, 1970's styled pair of Star Wars pajama pants. They rock.
• On a related note: The Iron Man PJ pants someone gave me are like butter. 'Nuff said.
• Bronner's is a Christmas decorations specialty store in our area. Do they have these in other states? We have two in our general area. Anyway, a group of younger people decided to vandalize the place this Christmas causing an estimated $40,000 worth of damage. Not a smart or kind act.
• One of the owners was quoted on the local news the following day. He said that anyone who would attack the spirit of Christmas during this time should be properly punished. I have to admit, in my opinion, in the spirit of Christmas, the owner should forgive the people that did this. In the true spirit of things, he should wash his hands of it. If local law enforcement must punish them, then they must, but one of the ultimate meanings of Christmas, in the true spirit of Christ's birth, undeserved forgiveness seems like the appropriate response.
• My son seems to think we own stock in the Winter Glove industry. I think we're hovering around the ten pair of misplaced gloves mark. You think we'd get smart and only buy one color so we could match up the mis-mates.
• I had an intensely proud moment one day, late last month. In the quiet of the day my youngest son, who is only 3, grabbed a small toy sword that was only about an inch long. He held it high over his head and said, "By uh hour of AySkull! I ave uh Owpurrr!!!" Over the next few days there were many fights in our house over who, in fact, was going to be He-man when both boys were playing together.
• I'm turning my kids into dorks.
• Pat Robertson endorses the legalization of marijuana? A lot of my facebook friends started posting things like, "Hey! Even the Christians are getting behind this issue!" Let me stop you right there, m'kay? As a Christian spokesperson, Mr. Robertson has kind of worn out any semblance of sanity. That was kind of out the door years ago. So, if you want him for your spokesperson, I wouldn't recommend it, but you can have him. I'm pretty sure he's gotten into a bad batch or two over the years. That might actually explain quite a lot.
• Whether or not Christians should support the legalization of pot is a whole other can of worms. I'm just saying, the support of most TV Evangelists isn't something to celebrate.
• As I tell people that my dad bought me a snow blower for Christmas, I've been getting congratulated a lot. It's like I won an award or achieved something. I had no idea.

A Thank You for My Wife

Christmas is much more to me than presents, but I wanted to use this post to thank my wife. Being unemployed limits most non-essential purchases on my part. So Christmas is also the one time of year (other than my birthday) where I might receive some of the things I wasn't able to purchase throughout the year.

My wife did an awesome job this year. I know it's hard for her. She hates getting a list from me. She'd rather come up with original, surprise treasures.

I've always been a collector. Some would correct that statement and say I'm a hoarder.

When I was eight years old, He-man toys hit the scene, followed shortly thereafter by the cartoon series. Both were firmly cemented into my childhood. Nothing makes me as effectively nostalgic as Masters of the Universe.

A few years back, Mattel announced an adult collector's line that is only available online for one day a month offering only one or two items per month. Little did they know, the one day time frame would shrink to around one hour due to demand. Most of these action figures sell out in about 45 minutes, and getting on Mattel's website during that time is a nightmare. Add in my before mentioned unemployment, and any hopes I had of collecting this new line quickly vanished.

Heidi stepped up and bought me two of the lynch pin characters for Christmas this year with He-man and Skeletor.

I also received the Wolfman remake on Blu-ray. As a fan of the original Universal films, I was skeptical when I heard they were remaking this one. I was surprised to find it was appropriately updated with effects, small story adjustments that made total sense, and the acting was spot on. The film stars Benicio Del Toro and Anthony Hopkins.

I finally have a Joe Hill novel in my possession. Hill is a pen name. He didn't want his famous father's name to drive his career. I'm not so sure you can escape a name like Stephen King however, especially in the horror novel business.

I also have Stuff Christians Like, a funny look at stereotypical Christian behaviors.

Our parents and siblings went a bit overboard this year too. The best part about the special day was getting to spend time with everyone. No one had to work. We didn't rush from house to house. There was warmth and familiarity.

He-man Dorks of the World Unite! or By the Power of Grayskull!

I'm a dork. I know it, made peace with it a long time ago. I've taken some lumps for it, especially in junior high, when most of your lumps are doled out anyway.

When I was about eight years old, I received a boon for my birthday, what I perceived to be a crazy amount of money. We're talking at least thirty whole dollars here. More money than I had seen at one time in my entire life. The year was 1982.

The only time we'd ever drive all the way to Toys 'R Us in Flint back then was shortly after our birthdays. We lived in Lake Orion, and there were no freeways to get us there quickly. Star Wars was fully wound down at this point. My young, overactive imagination was in need of a new plastic outlet.

There, in all of his muscle bound plastic glory, was He-man and the Masters of the Universe. I'd seen a few commercials on Saturday mornings. I was intrigued. The cartoon wouldn't hit for about a year. There were similar toy lines out there. I didn't really understand the genre this series was coming from. Were they all barbarians? Were the bad guys magicians, monsters? I left the store with two heroes, two villains, and a large green, armored tiger that the heroes were supposed to ride.

Each figure came with a mini comic that gave you the first glimpse into their world. The problem was, the comics didn't seem to match up in every way. It was kind of like different people were asked to come up with different concepts. I loved it. My imagination went crazy. As the next year progressed, the series exploded in popularity. There were books, comics, and eventually the first cartoon series, and none of it meshed together very well.

Most of the mini comics were very mature, swords, dragons, violence. The characters were brutish. Skeletor was truly an evil overlord. Beast Man was the savage king of his own people. The cartoon was almost the complete opposite. Most of the villains were more comedic than scary. There was always a moral to the story.

Despite it's corniness, I had to watch the cartoon every day. I was addicted. I didn't like the stories and characterization as much. I preferred my own imagination, but I still had to watch. I had to see if the newest character would appear in animated form.

I had endless adventures with those action figures. I incorporated other similar toys and knock offs. I drew my own pictures of my favorite characters. My Christmas lists for years were heavy with Masters figures and accessories. My younger brother Bob got into collecting, and we often strategically planned birthday requests to increase our collection. I always liked the bad guys better. They were just cooler looking. The heroes were too human, ordinary.

At age nine, I met a guy that would become my best friend. I got him into He-man too. The fifth grade wasn't too harsh on our boyhood heroes. That was also the year of Gremlins, G.I.Joe, and Transformers. Lots of kids our age were still dorks for toys.

Now, for those of you that couldn't already guess, taking a big, metal He-man lunch box to the sixth grade is a bad idea. It gets you picked on more than you normally would. Let's just say I already had a bunch of strikes against me a this age (I weighed about 65 lbs. and had Coke bottle glasses). I toughed it out. I was my own person, proud of my individuality even if I did get heckled and brutalized more often. Of course I made sure to hide any hint that I might still be into such things in the seventh grade. One year of extreme outcast-ism was enough. I was happy to settle back into my normal level.

The series was one of Mattel's highest grossing lines for boys ever, to this date. They even had a spin off series that was supposed to appeal to girls involving He-man's sister, She-ra. On more than one occasion you'd catch boys in the pink aisle looking over the spin off merchandise.

In late 1985 and early 1986 the series died off. The newest set of villains they had introduced were kind of lame. A live action movie came out in 1987, and it was a totally different take on the characters. It was lame. Mattel tried to re-invent the main characters with a more space oriented theme, which made no sense. I grew up, and He-man disappeared.

Well, until 2002 when the most famous action figure sculptures, The Four Horsemen announced that they'd worked out a deal with Mattel to re-imagine the series with more modern designs. Mattel had released some special edition, rare re-issues a few years prior. They proved that there was still a market. They made the mistake of trying to market the line to kids though, and it didn't really go over. There was a new cartoon, which was okay.

They also tried to use modern collectible ideas in this line: multiple versions of popular characters, short packing others to make them rare. That really only angered the people collecting. It was a fun line, but short lived.

More recently, Mattel approached the Horsemen. This time they would re-design all of the characters with a more classic feel: lots of muscle, re-usable parts from character to character, but this line would be bigger than the previous lines. These figures also wouldn't be sold in retail stores. You can only buy them online, one character is sold one day of each month. They sell out in around thirty minutes, and you're lucky to even get on the website at that time. They've packaged this newest line as the Adult Collector, Masters of the Universe Classics line. Each figure is $20 before shipping costs.

I've already given up on trying to collect this newest line, but it's hard to fight off the nostalgia. It's probably a good thing I don't have a job right now. We did get our tax return back recently, and it was much larger than we expected. The tax breaks really came through for us. I broke down. I gave in. I bought this guy to the right here, Webstor - Evil master of escape, my favorite character when I was a kid. He'll likely be the only one I purchase.

Now, let me be clear, I don't play with this thing. But, just having it around takes me back to relive so many memories of Christmases, birthdays, lazy afternoons in my backyard, play time with my little brother. I know it makes me a dork, but the nostalgia… I'm so glad there's enough of us dorks left to make this worth a toy company's efforts.

My kids now watch the old cartoons, and the newer ones too, on DVD. Owen runs around saying he's He-man. I'm so proud.