Thanksgiving Potential

I'm up late. I think I do some of my best writing when I'm tired, and everyone else is fast asleep. The house is quiet. My emotions often run more sentimental.

Thanksgiving is less than a week away. "The Holidays" are officially under way. There's great potential in the next few weeks: potential to forge fond memories, potential to relax and enjoy the love of family, and the potential to utterly disappoint ourselves when the first two outcomes don't show.

Thanksgiving can be a tricky holiday. We tend to worship food. It kind of opens the flood gates of temptation for the holidays that follow. Beyond the food, I think we hunger for the warm family connection. We take the day off. We come together with some set of regular family or friend oriented group. Typically we all prepare something to add to the feast. We look forward to catching up with one another, putting our feet up, and hopefully walking away with the feeling that the day was special.

I know that all of these things are possible. I've experienced them. Not always in the same Thanksgiving, but sometimes the elements are all aligned. You find yourself not wanting to go home at the end of the evening. You find yourself ready and raring for Christmas gatherings so you can feel some of these things again.

It seems like things always fell into place when I was a kid. We'd have to travel to two different houses, two different feasts so both sides of the family could celebrate with us. In one twenty-four hour period we'd visit with all of our aunts and uncles, both sets of grandparents, and every cousin. We'd run and play until the feast was complete, and then we'd pause to break bread together. We'd eat like kings with our own special table away from the adults. Shortly after, we'd feast again on desserts that only seemed to appear for this occasion. Then we'd run and play again until we were exhausted. Our parents carrying us to the car, eventually tucking us into bed. As we'd drift off to sleep, we were left with this great sense of family, of belonging.

I remember the first time my father and my uncles invited me to play games with them. For more than eighteen years I'd watched as they'd play poker, euchre, and Statego. On my nineteenth Thanksgiving, I was allowed to sit in, and I did great. I kept up with euchre despite the fact that they appeared to be playing some lightning version I'd never seen before. I also dominated the map with Stratego, a game I'd never played prior (or since). I left that night feeling like I'd arrived at adulthood.

So, I sit here tonight, much like I've done in recent years, with Thanksgiving quickly approaching. I have this yearning for this year to be a memorable one, but I'm doubtful. In recent years, Thanksgiving hasn't left me with much to carry away and remember. True, I have kids now. You'd think that alone would supply me with plentiful memories, but it hasn't. Instead I'm left with memories of rushing around, trying to get little people ready. We often have to eat multiple meals, but they're often rushed. Instead of fond memories of feasting, I remember being overly full and pressured to eat. Instead of fond memories, I remember hoping in vain for something to click into place leaving us with those feelings of family and bonding. But nothings been clicking during these recent Thanksgiving celebrations. I'm left feeling more like we've just had a few good dinners where I over ate and barely spoke to my family. It's disappointing, and a bit scary to think about as I sit here right now. I wonder if it was like this for my parents.

But I'm not giving up. I intend to go in armed this year. Sure, I was somewhat armed last year, armed with dreams of praying over my entire family - saying something that clicks things into place. I'll admit it. I chickened out. But I might not this year. I might find the right words this time around… and if I don't, I plan on taking board games. Those have been missing in recent years. True, it's hard to get anyone interested in playing. Everyone else seems to be rushing to other events too. But I'm going to try again this year, maybe not for me. Maybe for my kids, so they can not only be thankful, but so they can actually feel that feeling of belonging to a family.